Tres Cosas
by suncityblues
Summary: Three Things - For Kazuki Chains on LJ. "And sometimes it shocks you, really shocks you, how different the two of you are." Named after a Juana Molina song. Edited.


**Title:** Tres Cosas (three things)  
**Pairing**: kind of Ples/Veser sort of kind of not really  
**Rating**: Work Safe

My exchange fic for Kazuki_chains on LJ~

I wrote this alllll the way back in July and then totally forgot about it so when I re-read I was really pleased, and I only changed one word in the entire thing  
(there are probably still typeos though).

Also I named it after a Juana Molina song.

Anyway I hope you like!

* * *

And sometimes it shocks you, really shocks you, how different the two of you are.

Right now he's perusing your medicine cabinet, looking to disinfect and bandage a cut, getting everything mixed up and messy; saying things that start with "HEY PLES!" and end with "what's benzo... benzodias... benzodiazepine?" or "how come you've got so many Band-Aids?" or "what's Vitamin B-12 supposed to do for you, anyway?"

These things, the whys, whats, how comes, -questions- they make your bones hurt; they make you feel old.

When was the last time you were curious about something for the sake of being curious?

When was the last time you really cared enough to ask?

And sure, you've had other things on your mind, but...

When did your hair start turning gray?

But Veser is Veser and he doesn't notice your mini existential crisis and instead is looking at you expectantly. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that he asked you a question, you just don't know what it was.

You stammer: "So s-sorry, Veser, what did you need?"

Veser frowns a bit but he's not mad at you, you can tell by the way his nose crinkles. He's annoyed with something only marginally related to you -he gets this way sometimes. Might just be a kid thing, or it might be a Lee thing. You can't be sure.

You're not going to ask; you can't ask and he can't tell you.

And somewhere on the inside, you feel almost dirty about the whole thing. Not because you feel used but because you're afraid he feels like he's using you, as a replacement for Lee, as a replacement for stability.

You think the world of the kid but you have to say he has terrible taste in parental figures.

Veser says, after a pause, "I can't find the antiseptic in here."

You point out that it's directly in front of him, in the dark brown bottle, and then you go mix yourself a drink in the kitchen.

="=

Once he told you about Lee, right after you met.

You had made the mistake of letting him drink some of your booze, thinking he could handle it, mistaking him for an adult as you sometimes do.

He told you about how Lee had this dog, a big gray mutt, that would bark and howl all day long but never bite anybody.

And about how Veser had loved to play with it when he was a little kid, until it got run over one day and died out in the street somewhere.

All alone.

With no one to kiss its head or touch its paw and say, "it's okay, it's okay, every thing's going to be alright" so that it would be happy. Might be happy. Or at least not so sad; not so scared.

You knew he wasn't even really talking about the dog anymore, but he wasn't talking about Lee either. Some sort of middle place, where a half-dog-half-Lee creature lived.

The place where all the things that are hard to think about converge and evolve.

Veser looked so sad then; even though he was smiling.

And you, you were just a little bit jealous; a little bit depressed about the whole thing. About yourself.

There are, were, would be so many things in your life that you want, and cannot or will not have.

And one of those things is right in front of you, saying:

"I just don't understand... I just...

"It's not like he's gone at all, but like he went away and he's going to come back any day now."

And then a pause. A look that is somewhere between ashamed and upset.

"Once I called him. By accident. I saw something in a shop window that he would have thought was really funny and I went to tell him about it...

"I didn't even realize what I was doing until the automated voice came on."

He stopped talking after that.

Then you made him popcorn and watched episodes of Blackadder until he fell asleep on the couch.

Before you went to bed that night, you deleted Lee's number from his cell phone.

A gift to him.

="=

Once he kissed you.

It was a few days after you told him you were gay, and you thought everything would be okay after that.

He just made some joke, the typical guy response of, "just as long as you don't put the moves on me, I'm okay with it."

And although it typically annoys you that people, especially other guys, seem to think that your sexuality somehow affects them, or that you were asking them if it was okay with them for you to be gay, you were really happy, unbelievably relived, when Veser just brushed it off.

It was like nothing would change, only you would feel more at ease knowing that you at least weren't hiding that from him.

And nothing did change for a couple of days.

He came by, ate all your food and then you tried to play a game of chess which ended with him sulking and you gluing a bishop back together.

And then one day he kissed you.

And you kissed him back.

Didn't even think about it.

For a split second you were happy.

And then you were pushing him away, saying, "no, no, no, no, this can't be happening."

You were only vaguely aware of how cheesy that line sounded; how Life Time Movie Network this whole thing was turning out to be.

Veser looked cagey and a bit embarrassed, a bit peeved. Said, "but you're gay, right?"

And you wanted to sit him down and tell him all the reasons why it could never, ever, ever, possibly work. You wanted to tell him all the things that make you unhappy, all the things that keep you up at night, that keep you away from people.

You wanted to tell him your big secrets. You wanted to tell him everything.

You wanted to apologize and make him some popcorn or a stiff glass of gin, and you wanted him to say, "it's alright, I understand, you have your reasons, we can work through this."

But you don't do any of that.

Veser just said something along the lines of, "I'd better leave..." and took off.

And there were a million things you wanted to say; you wanted to tell him the truth, the whole truth, you wanted to kiss him again, and hold him for just a minute, but you didn't. You didn't do anything.

You just stood there and watched the door close.

It's not like he'll never come back-it's not like he really has much of a place to go-but you feel like not just one but a million doors are shutting all around you, and not a single new one opening up.

You think this might have been your last chance.

You get yourself something to drink.

* * *

Uhm, this is the first time I've ever written Veser and Ples. Feels good man.

By the way, not that this is news or anything, but if you somehow really like my fics or whathaveyou, you might want to consider following my LJ since my fics get posted there a few days before I post it here. There's a link in my profile. *u*

Edit: I found out that I actually spelled Veser's name wrong. orz, sorry!


End file.
